Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Fun while it lasted

Well, I seem to be the Queen of the short show season. Mine is over, indefinitely. Bastian is healthy, looking awesome and fit. I'm fine, could be fitter, could be healthier, but I'm fine. Its my nemesis, money that is rearing its ugly head again.

I'm working. A lot. Full time, part time, Friday nights, Sunday mornings and whenever else I can. I am currently working every day for the current and next two weeks with the exception of my weekends on which I am attending horse shows. That means up at 5, work from 6:30-2:45, run home to let the dogs out, then on to job #2 from 4-9. Then home. Rinse, Lather, Repeat. You get the idea. Everyday.

Which means I'm not getting any riding in before my show, which is usually how my life goes. But pah, I don't have to practice, I mean I'm only moving up to BN at the CT this weekend. No biggie.... I don't have any problems over fences or anything....

But that is beside the point.

So much like last year, my season is over before it even had the chance to get going. At least this year we were successful, and won something and had some fun. Last year I put in a craptastic dressage test and my horse was slightly lame. I guess that's improvement right, I should be happy?

There is a lot involved here. Here is what pisses me off. First off, I work my ass off and I never seem to get ahead financially. Yes I own a horse and yes I didn't always make the best financial decisions. I take full credit for getting myself to where I am, to a point. After that, its just BS. Like months ago I was given a schedule of when I would get my stipends for extra-curricular activities I do at the school, I was told that I would receive my last payment on May 25. Today I get an email saying that that payment is now put off until June 10. Right. I had plans for that $$$$ as in getting caught up on some bills and being able to pay association and entry fees. Now that isn't going to happen :(

I'm stressed. Which involves its own symptoms and unhappyness, no one should have to live like this. I can't cut out anything else. I'm already down to eating lettuce and dressing (with cranberries, I have a huge ass bag of cranberries I bought at Sam's Club a while ago and it has lasted forever!) for lunch and dinner. I have a couple of other random things in my cupboard, but aside from buying more lettuce and dressing from Aldi's grocery shopping is out. I've sold off pretty much anything I have that is of value and that someone would actually buy. I've been eligible for a new phone since November, haven't updated although I am in need of a phone that actually works correctly more than 75% of the time. I've got pretty strict electric/water rules (thankfully I live alone!) and I turned my heat off pretty early in the spring.

I know, I'm whining. But I really don't have a life outside of my horse (I know, again, my fault for not being a social butterfly, but whatever) And my life with my horse revolves around competitions. I LOVE competing. LOVE IT. If I don't have a competition to get ready for, I don't see a point to pushing myself to ride. Yes I love riding for riding's sake, and I can spend hours just brushing and lovin' on my Bastian but I'm a competition junkie. Now I get to spend yet another summer sitting on the sidelines, cheering on everybody else. Which again, I love. I love being a groom and I love seeing my friends compete and kick ass, but the whole time I'm insanely jealous because its not me and Bastian.

I've spent the past two years fighting for myself and Bastian, every step of the way. I've had some great people helping me out along the way, but at the same time, I can't keep this pace up, working all the time and not getting anywhere. I've struggled to balance my horse life with my dismal financial situation. Currently that involves no shows. I'm holding out that maybe I can pull off the NODA show at Grand Haven in July. Its a double show weekend, so I could still get my qualifying scores for Regionals provided nothing goes wrong during my tests, its a one time shot. I want to qualify for Regionals, its at the Horse Park this year.

Not to mention that Bastian and I had a stellar first event. Now I've got to abandon that momentum, maybe I'll get to event next year? I've already signed up for Buckeye, so I'm going to show this weekend, I hope I can make it count before I put away all of my show things and become a fixture doing loops in the arena with no purpose. Unless I magically come up with $500 by Friday. Which is pretty doubtful.

Sorry for the vent, but I needed to get it out. It won't make it better, but its allowed me to process through it more. This was supposed to be our year, the year of the dragon and now it is nothing. Here's to 2013. Maybe we'll actually do something and get to actually show.....

This is me (on the bay) and my friend Agent 009 at a Hunter Pace long long ago when I actually had some day.....

1 comment:

  1. I can so relate! It will get better... Sending you good energy and lots of luck!